The day He went away...

Last Wednesday...
when I sent him a message, ternyata dia lagi super sibuk... Nganterin his Mom preparing some kind of Xmas dinner party...
Sore2 dia telpon...
Agak lega...ternyata he wasn't ignoring me...

Thursday, we had a plan to meet after my work, though he didn't promise me... coz he would be very buzy. It's Okay, I appreciated his effort...
I bought a gift for him, the plan was I giving it to him when we met...
Unfortunately, he couldnt make it...

Ya sudahlah... ngopi sendirian di Starbuck's... such a memorable place...
Rencananya mau gue kirim aja...(wah bisa2 ongkos kirimnya lebih mahal daripada giftnya!)

Jam 7.30 an dia telpon...
I tried so hard for not crying... tapi...sudahlah!

He called me "sayang" few times...
Yeahh...maybe it's me who keGeeRan...

Friday, he went away...back to his far...(I mean FAR!!!!) home... to his BF... to his perfect life...
(I wish I could Hug him tight and maybe gave him a gentle kiss or two before he go...)
Now, he's gone...

I just couldn't thanking enuff... for evrything he'd given to me...
Noone (I mean noone!) treated me as he did...
I miss him already...
One big question in my mind... Will he remember me???
Coz I cant forget him....

Yah...once again!...sudahlah...
Back to my normal daily life...

I just wish that he would think about me sometimes... coz after he's gone... I think about him often!

Aduuuhhh...parah!!!!

Haduuuuhhh, meni riweuh...
Sedang feeling so blue gini...
Orang-orang ga bisa ngerti...
people always expect me a lot more than I can achieve...

Meni sedih...
Makes me missing him more...

he'll fly soon...

Lagi kangen...ingin ketemu...mungkin for the last time...before he fly away for a very long time...
Tapi, bingung... gw sms ga dibales...ga seperti biasanya...
Mau sms lagi,... takutnya dianggep gue desperate...

Jadi bingung mau ngapain... ngenet deh, tapi ga semangat blaz...!

I just wanna hug him...maybe a kiss or two...

Will he remember me???

Coz, I won't forget him...

Gosh... Why does this felt so hurt???

Am I being cursed??? :)

Kemaren jalan ama my new friend...
Nice person,... we talk quite much, 'though at first, kinda unconnected... :)

Unfortunately,... he's already occupied...
yeah as I always have...
Wrong person...

(My love.... where are you now?
I'm getting tired... should I give up?)

Last night I had a kinda night mare... silly one actually,...
I was surrounded by running rats... and I woke up, screaming...kekeke
Astaghfirullah...

And the new year's coming...
Hopefully... next year will be better... amiin!

Hilanglah sudah...is it a sign???

Rencananya, sabtu-selasa, gue ke balik solo-klaten.... refreshing... ikutan simposium adek2 angkatan yang mau lulus...
Naek Bus, seperti biasa... sepanjang perjalanan, banyakan tidur....kekekek...
Nyampe solo sorean...mendung...

Ternyata temen gue dah pindahan ke t4 baru...
Ngobrol en basa-basi ama emak-babehnya...
Nyusul deh ke tempat baru temen gue... ternyata masih dalam proses pembangunan... di belakang masih dibangun...
yang jadi baru bagian depannya, tapi kamar temen gue dah beres...walo masi agak pabalatak...

Biasa, temen gue masih aja doyan maen game online (yang sampe sekarang gue ga ngerti, di mana letak asiknya! heheh)...
Nonton Asian Idol.... (what???? Hady Mirza is the winner????), temen2 gua dah ngorok duluan, gue baru ketiduran jam 1 an (rencana, besoknya mau berangkat simpo jam 6!)
Bangun2, jam 5an... temen gue cari2 hape... minta gue miskol... lah.... HaPe gue juga ilang!!!!
Anjritttttt! sapa yang nekat masuk kamar... ngambil 6 biji HaPe... dompet temen gue, some money (yang begonya digeletakin gitu aja ama temen gue di atas meja) jam tangan...
Gagal sudah semua rencana, pagi2 polisi dateng... temen gue sempet tanya2 untuk ngurus surat kecurian/kehilangan, BIROKRASI!!!! ....(sayup2 terdengar (in my mind).... itulah INDONESIA!!!!)

Hmmm... kata temen gue, mungkin kurang shodaqoh...(sok bijak mode is on!!! :p ... )
Mungkin juga...gue kurang bersyukur, baru kerasa sekarang.... things seemed more valuable, when they're gone...

Or, is this a sign... to leave... all of them behind???

I'm still learning...

Being fake....

Few days ago, I watched "Oprah"... she interviewed Dina McGreevy, ngobrolin pernikahannya dengan Jim McGreevy... Mantan Gubernur??? orang gede lah...
I saw, how hurt she was... Married with a person that she loved, but, at last, she found out that, her husband was a gay...
It turned things from American's Dream into Nightmare (or so...)
Somehow, I know, it hurt her so badly, to have a "fake" marriage... although from the marriage they have a daughter... hmm, ... she said so many bad things about her husband, was it caused by her hatred or, is he really that bad???
There are always two side from a story,... I remember, I saw when Oprah interviewed her husband, I felt some kind of sympathy...hmmm, Only God knows how the truth was.

Just, I dont get it. Some of "my kind" do it. Marry a woman, but still doing "stuff".
I'm not a judging person... I wont judge it wrong, they are adults, responsibility is a part of their decision.

Recently, there is a girl in my work place...
Somehow, I feel that she likes me.
But, i can't... I'm not a good liar... I wont play her fool just to save my self.
Still... It felt so confusing how to get her away from me, without doing something ruthless. I dont want to hurt her...
So far, I've became an Ice-man...so kold!!!!

Oops....It's happened again!

Few days ago.... I wrote that I was going to finish my "Grave of the Fireflies" at my new friend's place...
I did... and,...
Hhhh.... gosh, when will it be ended?

I feel like a manwhore..., am I???

Gue pikir, gue kira... I have made commitment...
No more ONS ('though it wasn't night)
But it just happened...

The worst part is... I like him (yeah! it happened again...so fool!!!!)
I realize that...

I shouldn't chase for something that I know I can't have, no matter how hard I try... he already has a GF!!! he's going to start a str8 family...
And another hope is just vanished...
Today is his birthday (he told me...)
I sent him common birthday message, and then... I know that, I should take step back...before I get 
deeper hurt!

Happiness is a state of mind...
I'm learning and keep trying,... to start thinking,... That I'm happy, then... let the Universe works for me, to make it really happened! (inspired by "The Secret")...

My love... wherever you are now...
As long as my heart still beats, I will never stop to wait...
I know, someday... You will come...
And this waiting will be over...

Title : Grave of The Fireflies (Hotaru no Haka)
Director: Isao Takahata
Writers: Akiyuki Nosaka
Release : 16 April 1988
Genre : Animation/ Drama

Senen kemaren, baru nomat, My Wife is a Gangster 3, lucu berat... gue suka, meskipun sebenernya adegan actionnya kurang greget... dikit amir... cepet pula...
Tapi bukan itu yang gue mau share...
Grave of The Fireflies... aslinya kartun Jepang, baru nyaho kalo judul aslinya Hotaru no Haka, n baru dapet info dari brosing di Blackle (google hemat energi!) klo ni film rilis tahun 1988, wew... berarti dah ada waktu gue masih kelas 2 SD...
Cuma, ni gue dapet nonton abisan nyewa, iseng iseng liat Boxnya yang unik gitu, dari Studio Ghibli...
Barengan Spirited Away (nice one too...) Princess Mononoke (ni juga lumayan keren)
dan 3 anime Jepang lainnya...
Pertamanya, gak expect apa apa waktu nonton ni movie...
Scene pembukanya aja, so dark...tragic... obviously, not a children movie...

GAris besarnya, cerita ni muvi tentang perjuangan...
Seita dan Satsuke... 2 besodara yang ditinggal bokapnya perang... (yah, settingnya waktu serangan udara waktu Perang Dunia 2 kali!) n nyokapnya meninggal kena serangan udara...

Trus cerita berlanjut waktu mereka berdua diasuh ama keluarga yang dengan "terpaksa" mau ngurus... di situ, walau dikasi makan, dikasi tempat tinggal... kerasa banget, klo si nyonya rumah ga ikhlas banget...

Sampe akhirnya mereka berdua, mutusin keluar dari tu rumah n tinggal di sebuah "gua" kecil... yang sebenernya sebuah "shelter" yang ga/jarang dipake lagi...
2 besodara... Seita yang masih sekitar anak SMP n Setsuko yang masih 5 tahunan... struggling to live in war time... whatta story...

Ummm, menarik juga, kenapa judulnya Grave of the fireflies... ternyata...
Di tengah tengah cerita, waktu Seita n Setsuko malem2 di shelter...gelap, ga ada lampu... Mereka ngumpulin kunang2, lalu ditebarin di dalam shelter... itulah "hiburan" mereka... n paginya, kunang2 yang mati dikubur di depan gua...that's why!!!

Sumpah... gue ga inget, kapan terkhir kali gue "nangis" waktu nonton film...
Weleh, lah kok nonton film kartun, gue nahan mewek berkali2....
Ga kerasa... tears dropped from my eyes... idiiihhhh... heheh,...
Sebenernya waktu gue ketik ni blog, belom kelar nontonnya... gara2, tadi udah keburu musti berangkat kerja...
Besok mo nerusin... mungkin di tempat my new friend...
Aghhh.... ga sabar....

Pengin nangis lagi....kekekekek

Sixpack.... on the way!!! I wish!!! :)

Few days before, I met a new friend... a gym member too,... his body is smaller than mine... but, my abs...huwaaaa.... (It's my weakest part)
So, niatnya mulai minggu ini penginnya diet Low Carbs... tapi, I'm so Indonesian!!!
Belom makan kalo belom makan nasi....
huwaaaaa....

Ni udah akhir bulan, belom juga gajian....kekeke, nasibbb....
Tiap ngegym, selalu ditutup ama abs working... yah...still trying to improve it...

Suka amazed kalo ngeliat si "Juara 1" (heheh....)... his torso just like heaven!!!!
Klo ngliat latihan anak2 di Gym, angkatannya pada garila... nambah terus,...pada mau jadi gorilla emangnya?

Audrey Niffenegger's "Time Traveler's Wife"

Judul : Istri Sang Penjelajah Waktu - Time Traveler's Wife
Penulis : Audrey Niffenegger
Tebel buku : 656 halaman (gue baru bisa abis 1 bulan... :) ...)
Harga : 68 k di Gramedia... secara gue beli di Uranus... diskon 20% jadi cukup 53k doang :) lumayan.....

Just finished my Audrey Niffenegger's "Time Traveler's Wife"...
When I decided to buy the book (which was hardly recomended by my book-freak friend), kinda have some vision or premonition... and got remember the old TV series "Quantum Leap" (gosh, tua sekaleee...)
that,...
Ni buku pasti tentang Time traveling gitu... lompat2 dari waktu ke waktu, pake mesin waktu... atau gimana gitu... futuristic science fiction,...
But, after pages....then I found my self totally wrong....
This book is about love... It's a love story...
I realize... from the book's title... I should notice the "wife" word.

Singkatnya, there are Henry and Claire...
Henry is a time traveler, tapi bukan pake mesin waktu atau pintu ajaib ala Doraemon. He just have it in his DNA...
The problem is, he couldn't control, when or where he went. It just happened in an unpredictive time. Beside, setiap dia menjelajah waktu, begitu dia muncul di suatu masa (mostly in past time, but sometimes in future <---this is the interesting part) dia dalam keadaan naked, and starved ... itulah yang membuat dia harus berbuat sedemikian rupa hingga dia bisa survive, stealing things... lari dari kejaran orang2 and many more "particular ability" just to survive...
Until he met Claire in his past...
Padahal pertama kali dia ketemu, Claire was just a little girl...
The story goes... 'til them get married... trying to have a baby (whatta struggle)... and die... (I wont be a spoiler!)

Ceritanya sooo imaginary,... kalo dipikir pake nalar, susah banget nerima logikanya... but, that makes it otentik...
I like it... lumayan lah, seksi juga in some parts...

Gue amazed, a part where Claire in her future time,.... met Henry from the past.... hmmm, so nice...

Andai gue bisa menjelajah waktu... dan merubahnya...
Ada satu waktu yang ingin gue apus...
When I meet You, my angel....
So, I dont have to feel this kind of pain...
I know that U've forgotten me now,... I wish I could do the same...
But I just can't....

Maybe someday!

I'm learning....

I'm on the way on reading "The Secret"...
So far, I've noticed that... many things that I've done in my life was so awfully wrong...
Like... this blog's name...
According to the book, it's like I order my self to become a fool...
Wooow...
Kinda afraid...

But, then,... I learn things...
Ev'rything will be different, from now on...

In case, I'm lookin' for some one to love me... But first, all I have to do is starting to love my self...
Then, i have to believe that... I'm so happy... I'll get whatever I want...
Be gratitude for whatever I am, and keep my mind in positive way...

Always... i mean always, start and finish the day with a smile...
Life is so beautiful...

I'm starting to practice The Secret... I know, I'll be happy...
I'm the one who decide my own future!!! :)

Lately....

For recent, gara-gara salah satu temen gue yang seorang radio-DJ itu a.k.a Si Gembul (panggilan "sayang" gue :) .... dia pasti langsung panassss!!!) I fall in love with a song...
Originally sang by Stevie Wonder, but in the radio that I'd heard, Bryan McKnight sang it.... soooo amazing! I got sink ev'rytime i hear the song.... beside, the lyric... I just find it out from a site, I love the chorus part...

" Well, I'm a man of many wishes,
I hope my premonition misses,
but what I really feel, my eyes won't let me hide,
cause they always start to cry.
cause it's time could mean goodbye. "

In many ways... I've too many wishes...
But, somehow, it's the only thing that make me stand still...
I just can't live without any hope
I write "Maybe Someday" so often, coz, in my mind...maybe someday... I'll find the way...
My calling...
Like ev'ry happy people....

My envy....

Killing time in a Mall, nomadh as usual... The Seeker... Not a bad movie, but nothing special with it... just ordinary story, ordinary casts... ordinary movie!

I saw many couples...
Yeah... it hurt... I'm not a saint or a jedi or so...
So, i still have this kind of feeling when I see loving couples... wew... so pathetic me!

I keep telling my self... Someday I'll find my own...

I just wonder, and kinda hoping...
That someday won't be too long...

Totally...messed up!!!

I made someone hurt... I didn't mean it...
I know that U were so dissapointed on me...
But,...
We just cant do that...
I dont feel any love...
Beside... U already have a relationship... legal one...

It is imposibble for me to get into your life...
my heart won't let me to...

'though it's hurting you... remember... we are adult... we have our responsibility...
Your responsibility is to your family...

believe me... I'm so not worth it!!!

I wish I had not done that to you... If only I could turn back time...
I'm sorry... and, please... go back to your family... Your wife called me last night and this morning...

I didn't realize how awfull what I have done....
I'm really sorry....

Maafkan... I'm sorry!!!

Today, I've become such a jerk...
After some "fun"... he asked me for a real relationship, but i just couldn't feel any love...
I know, I should tell him before...
And now... I think he hates me.
It's his right, I can't blame him... and I don't.
Just, I don't wanna lie...
I can't lie...
it's about love...
I'm sorry, if I hurt you...
I didn't mean it...

My blog in blogger...

Before I start this blog, i used to bloggin in other blog-site...
Just, wanna have one of my own in this " I think" the biggest blog-site
So, this is officially mine!

Many things that I had published before in my last blog... (http://manusiaterbodoh.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/)
hahah...just like it's important, nggak banget kaleee...!!!