Kalo sambil jaga turun hujan, biasanya tenang…
Pasien pada ogah berangkat ke RS, jadi saya bisa tidur dengan merdeka…
(Tapi, kalo sampe ada yang dateng… biasanya parah…)
Udah lama gila gag posting apa-apa, bukan karena saya konsentrasi ama Piala Dunia yang Tsamina-mina dan Waka-waka itu…
Dan yang pasti saya gag pernah terlibat ama penyebaran Video yang amat sangat mirip artis itu…
Ga terlalu penasaran juga, secara… in my eyes, Uki is much hotter than Ariel… *apaaaa coba???*
Bulan Juni udah abis…
Jadi ngerasa guilty ajah kalo satu bulan sama sekali gag posting apa-apa…
Sedikit, saya kilas balik tentang sejarah hidup saya… *di-skip aja, ga penting!*
Selesai SMP, saya ngelanjutin sekolah di kota kelahiran saya, di kabupaten yang ga terlalu gede, meski letaknya di antara dua kota besar… Tebak coba!!!
Dari SMA, saya pisah tinggal dari orang tua, ngikut Bu-Pak’Dhe yang kebetulan, gag dikaruniai keturunan… walau gag nglajo, saya ngekost di deket sekolah… pulang ke rumah Bu’Dhe kalo weekend doang…
Jadi, bisa dibilang saya jadi punya dua pasang orang tua…
Waktu pertama kali saya mulai kerja ke Surabaya, pisah ama Bu’Dhe… beliau sampe nangis ngelepas saya, padahal, Emak saya santai-santai aja gituuu… heheh
Awal Juni kemaren, Bu’Dhe kirim SMS…
Menanyakan kabar, dan kapan saya pulang…
Dengan tambahan… kalo besok pulang, jangan lupa pacar atau calon istrinya dibawa…
Ngokkkkk….
It’s a common problem for every mature-aged-gay, rite…?
To be honest, saya gag ngerti kudu gimana…
Sesama temen PTT yang udah berkali-kali ijin mudik… sampe herman (*basi!*)… kenapa saya hampir gag pernah mudik???
Biasanya sih alesan saya –sambil bercanda- It’s illegal, menyalahi surat perjanjian waktu pertama kali berangkat PTT yang nyebutin gag boleh meninggalkan tempat tugas selama masa PTT… #sok-taat
Sebenernya sih, alesan utama saya gag balik, selain males ditanya, “Mana pacarnya?”, juga sayang duitnya… *pelit*
It’s definitely not an easy circumstance for me (-and every gay-) to let them know that I’m a truly gay…
Somehow, I’m afraid that I will hurt them…
For some reasons; it’s pretty obvious that I would… If I told them the “truth”
So here I am, writing all this… unexpressed feeling… since I decide to keep silent, stay in my hiding closet…
Wishing that, someday… I’ll find a way…
God knows, I have no intention to hurt anyone for being a gay…
It’s not even my choice to be one…
Some people, -my people- decide to “convert” and “back” to the “right path”…
Bukan rahasia, pada akhirnya, banyak cong yang memilih untuk “mengorbankan” jati-dirinya… demi menyelamatkan harapan yang dibebankan pada pundak mereka. *no offense*
I’m not saying what they’ve chosen was wrong.
Good for them if that make their life better.
And, maybe easier…
But for me, PERSONALLY, until now, I just can’t see myself to live the rest of my life with a woman in a legal-sacred marriage.
Why???
Beside the obvious reason… that, I’m a Gay!!!
There’s another reason…
Waktu sempat mudik dulu, bawa bekal DVD macem2… salah satunya…
Kartun SouthPark… sedikit-sedikit saya tonton kalo lagi manyun ga ada kerjaan…
With those hilarious-vulgar-sarcastic-comedy, ternyata ga jarang saya dapet quote-quote yang bikin nganga seketika, …
Di salah satu episode di season 2, kalo gag salah, waktu Mr. Garrison sempet keilangan Mr. Hat…
As a substitute, Mr. Garrison used Mr. Twigg as his “company” (or maybe his alter ego…)
Dan waktu akhirnya Mr. Garrison “ketemu” lagi ama Mr. Hat… tapi ngerasa gag enak buat nyingkirin Mr. Twigg (since Mr. Hat is his truly beloved soulmate)… coz he felt like it was not a “right decision”…
Instead of angry, Mr. Twigg wisely said,…
Love would be so much simpler…
But, much LESS magical…”
I know it’s kinda absurd and weird, since Mr. Garrison, Mr. Hat, and Mr. Twigg are actually -in- the same person.
But that’s exactly why I adore this cartoon.
(Buat yang ga mudheng apaan sih Mr. Garrison-Mr.Hat-Mr.Twigg… monggo diGoogling ajah, atau beli DVDnya…)
In an ideal world of mine…
Marriage should be built on pure love (and yes, also commitment) base.
Although, I know… some people are compromising their value…
Maybe for a bigger purpose… a better future… or, a “common” happily ever after life.
Or simply, accept it as the “right decision” to make.
But, ‘till now…
I still don’t think that I can compromise my personal “happiness” with what most people describe about what happiness is.
Since I believe that, everyone has their right to define their own happiness.
And, yes… I believe that everybody deserves to be happy.
PS: and one thing for sure… Gays are also included in that “Everybody”!!!
5 toyoran:
Back to the right path... hmmhhh... nasehat yang bagus tapi sulit dilakukan. karena harus mengorbankan banyak hal, termasuk mengesampingkan kebahagiaan diri sendiri.
Yap.
We deserve to be Happy.
Kayak lagunya Leona Lewis.
"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out the ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound, don't care about all the pain in front of me coz I'm just trying to be happy..."
ouww....i really know that feeling :|
dan di waktu2 tertentu when this feeling really hits me, i needed someone to talk to. tapi bgmn mungkin membaca saja aku sulit hehehe....
anyway, ANYBODY deserves happiness. but we also need to consider that OUR life is made up not only by us. but also by our families, friends and foes.
so, any decisions that we are going to make please do take these people--that have made our life so colourful that it hurts (apaan sih?!)--into consideration.
Memang pertanyaan klasik for every gay in a certain age. Susah jg kalo usia udah cukup n kerjaan mapan, pasti pertanyaan yg satu itu bakalan di-rewind terus sm org2 di sekitar kita.
Well, I'm totally deaf when my families, co-workers, friends, neighbours, those nosy people around me asking me that damn question with a closing statement: "ntar jadi bujang lapuk lho..." So what??? Me happy is the most important thing, why should I lie by marrying a woman just to hide the truth that I'm gay? atau kata Vidy: "...hanya utk status palsu"
it was a natural question isn't it?
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