Sakit, sendiri...Haduhhh...!!!

Kemaren, seharian tepar!!!
Mungkin gara2 sehari sebelumnya saya minum susu kedelai yang "agak" diragukan kualitas higienitasnya (hayah!)
Sebelum shubuh, bangun dari tidur, perut saya mulai berontak...hohoho...
Setelah menunaikan "panggilan alam"... minum obat. Simptom mereda...
Pagi fitnes bentaran doang, karena, somehow, kok I felt something wrong with my condition, lemes... mungkin dehidrasi... I decided to go home after about 30 minutes workout...
Makin siang... kok tambah demam...
Puyeng....
Dan perut masih belom beres....

Deg!!!! I kinda affraid to get Typhoid fever again! (dua kali saya kena Tipes, dua kali itu juga harus opname!) walah... berabe kalo harus masuk Rumah Sakit, gini hari...
Ke Apotik, beli Paracetamol and Oralit... beli Roti....balsem juga!
Balik rumah, minum oralit dan Paracet... balsem diusap2 di perut... pake Jumpers.... rebahan... tak lupa berdoa...

Sesorean, hujan deres... sambil tiduran ga jelas... nontonin Desperate Housewifes season 2 yang sempet nganggur (DVD dah diserpis).
Malem, demam lumayan baekan...
Alhamdulillah... bisa berangkat kerja...
 
Ni pagi, I think It's getting better...
Alhamdulillah...
Evrything just fine ...
Alhamdulillah!

Time to say Goodbye...

Almost a year....
Surabaya, whatta wacky town...heheh... panas... semrawut... orangnya, hmmm... pandai menggonggong yah! heheh...
Mungkin ga lama lagi saya harus pulang...

Banyak yang sudah terjadi,...happiness... sadness... new people... who come and go!

I fell in love for few times... but always fell as often as it was...
yagh...it's written on my romance journey...

But its okay, I think I'm stronger now...
Everything happened for a purpose...

I'll go home...soon or later...

Wish, ev'rything just gonna be better...
I know it will...

Hatred and Forgiveness....

Minggu pagi, bangun kesiangan, secara malemnya baru midnite-an..."Stardust" (Cool!-Robert De niro...heheheh!)
Anak SMA, telpon...pengin ketemu... huhuhu... tapi, as I said before, rasanya gimana gitu klo ketemuan teh... rasanya meni ga semangat...
Lha wong malem mingguan aja cuek Midnite-an sendiri... kasian yah!

Minggu siang, sambil ngantuk2 baca buku yang baru saya beli... Kappa, tulisan Ryunosuke Akutagawa... (sumpah, pusing!!!!) tau-tau...berita menggelaegar aku terima! halah, lebay! Di TV Pak Harto passed away...inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi rooji'uun...
Jadi inget ramalan beberapa paranormal waktu itu, ceunah pak harto bakal bisa pulang dulu... Mungkin maksudnya pulang tanpa nyawa kali yagh... bisa ajah peramal mah!

Seharian kemaren sampe ni siang acara tivi tayang berita pemakaman Pak Harto, klo diliat2, kok kasian juga yah...keliatannya teh pak harto tuh orang baek bener...
Sayang, terakhir periode dia jadi presiden, mau2nya dicalonin lagi...
Klo aja dia nolak... pasti jadinya laen...hmmm...tapi sudahlah....

Tadi siang di Trans, waktu Edwin n Susan Bah wawancara Sukmawati Soekarnoputri... weleh... jelas pisan, she hates "Harto"'s Clan so much...
"Saya pribadi tidak akan pernah memaafkan Suharto atas segala yang pernah dilakukan kepada keluarga saya (Bung Karno)"she said, or so (ga inget persisnya gimana)...hohohoh...such hatred!!!

Yagh, manusiawi juga sih kalo ada orang yang suka, cinta, benci, geuleuh...heheheh...
Cuman, kalo diwawancara gitu kok gimana yah...apalagi pas acara pemakaman orang ... hmm....

"Memiliki dendam seperti meminum racun, dan berharap seseorang akan mati", itu kata Oprah... bahasa inggrisnya kumaha yah??? (kekekeke, keur blegug yeuh!)

Yah, mau apa lagi... lagian, soon or later, ev'ryone will die... (and we're living in a very old planet!!!)
Included me...
Mudah2an ajah, at the time when I die... no one wud hate me that way! amiin...

Sombongnya!!!

Belakangan, sering ke warnet, seperti biasa... buka frenster, balesin message klo ada, sambil buka2 fsnya orang2 yang mampir nglirik (n pasti kaciwa berat, soalnya gw private...heheh)
Buka Multiply, kadang ngeblog kalo lagi ada uneg2... kebanyakan sih kalo lagi sedih, kangen, en, feeling yang menye-menye gitu lah...wkekekekek
Meanwhile, iseng2 chatting... pake nick yang mungkin "promosi" bangettt...
Kadang, klo lagi rame,...banyak juga yang nge-pvt an...
Biasa... asl/stat/pic...

Yah, ada yang ngajak ngobrol2...
Tapi, ga jarang... langsung tanya t/b??? mo ml gak???...wew....

Mungkin pic gue rada2 slutty yah?...

Tapi, ada juga yang ngajak ketemuan...
Cuman... belakangan, rada ga mood kalo diajak ketemuan teh, rasanya gak semangat ajah, kadang ga enak juga... beberapa orang yang pernah gue temuin, kadang suka sms ngajak jalan lagi...
Bukannya ga mau, tapi...ya itu deh... rasanya ga semangat...

Since gw selalu kaciwa tiap ketemu orang yang gw suka...
jadi agak numb,
Dan kayaknya, udah mulai banyak orang yang nganggep gw sombong...
Yah.... sudahlah...!!!

tepat sebulan....

Starbucks TP Surabaya, 24 Desember 2007
Sesaat sebelum maghrib, I met him...
First impression, hmm... quite different from what I thought before...

A cozy sofa, a cup of hot cappucino, nice conversation...with some laughing...
I still remember that he bought "Rihanna"'s album... (ella..ella...ella!!!)
A cup of ice cream... (baru nyadar, klo es krim yang gw pesen kayaknya pake rhum...wew... pait! )
But we couldnt spend more time, coz he had to go to a Xmas dinner with his family, and I had to go to work too...
He considered that he had such a nice conversation with me...(hmmm...something grew inside my heart...)

TP Surabaya, December 25th 2007...
We met again, after he bought a shirt (maybe for his new year party)...
Another cup of coffee at Starbucks...
"National Treasure"-Nicholas Cage (not bad movie!)....and dinner at sushi resto (totally brand new taste for my tongue! )

But, then again, we couldnt spend the night, since I had to work at nite...

Friday, December 28th... he flew away...
I couldnt even give him a hug or a kiss goodbye...
I'd bought a gift... but there was no opportunity for me to give it to him...
Until now, it's still wrapped and laid there...in my room...

Now, exactly a month from the first time I met him...
To be honest, i'm still missing him so much...
And wondering, will I ever meet him up again, someday?

But then, I realize that... I just cant hope too much...
maybe this is the time for me to try... forgetting him...
It wont be easy...and so much misery...

Some regrets...
Why didnt I hold his hand when we watch the movie....
Why didnt I hug him....
Why didnt I kiss him....

"Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have...
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have....

Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind" (Michael Buble)

Work...Work...Work....

Jadwalnya, tiap sabtu gue harusnya libur...
Secara, Jum'at gw kerja double shift... klo udah pagi, rasanya seneng ajah...pengin istirahat! kadang jalan ke Sby, udar-ider ga jelas...

Dulu kadang Mr. Rv. suka ngajak midnite-an... sekarang, setelah insiden hape ilang itu... mungkin dia ngerasa gue ga terlalu nganggep dia lagi, (ga sepenuhnya salah sih!)... tapi, mau ngajak jalan juga, hmmm...kok males...
Sejak "my distance love" pergi... rasanya ga semangat ngajak jalan orang... kemaren gue cancel nomat ama Vn, sebagian juga karena gue males...(penginnya jalan bareng Hnd... )
Yah... tapi mo gimana lagi...
Klo dipikir2... kayanya emang susah juga!
belom lagi, mau kirim paket ke Holland, weleh... info di net, mehel abis!!!! Mungkin bakal gue simpen sampe dia balik lagi... which I dont know when... or will I be able to meet him again...

Nah, ni hari Sabtu, gak libur... gantiin shift Temen Sejawat gue... calon bojonya dateng dari solo, katanya mau Foto2 pre Wed... mau nolak, ga tega...
Minggu depan juga... mungkin gantiin jaga lagi...
Hmm... bukannya ga iklas sih,... secara, Sabtu juga ga ngapelin siapa2...
Tapi, sometimes... I need to rest...

Andai waktu bisa di-pause....
I need time to rest my mind...
Maybe for a second...
Just to stop, thinking about You....!

Old World...

Kemaren, sebelum berangkat kerja, Instead nonton "Ceriwis" yang isinya cuman ketawa2 tanpa manfaat... (heheh!), sekilas nonton 20/20 di Metro, kebetulan kemaren ceritanya tentang "The Last Day Of Earth"...macem-macem... and kinda scary!

Baru ngeh, we're living in a very old planet...
And somehow, someday, everything will be ended... everyting will be vanished... kinda Doomsday... and it can be proven scientifically!

Seperti,yang gue inget dari tu acara...Friday, April 13th, 2029... a huge comet in its pathway will crush the earth we're living... konon, kejadian seperti ini jugalah yang mengakhiri zaman Dinosaurus di Bumi jutaan taun jang lalu...
Belom lagi, as we know... masih banyak gunung berapi yang aktif...
Someday, banyak peneliti yang percaya klo bakal ada ledakan besar dari Huge Volcano (lupa istilahnya!)... tapi, noone can predict, when or where...
Masih Kurang serem? Black Hole... yang bakal menyedot semua benda di semesta yang dilewatin, karena besarnya daya gravitasi...
Cosmic Explotion, semacam Supernova... (Big Bang!)... yang misalnya terjadi pada bintang di sistem Galaksi sebelah Bimasakti... (whic is very Faaaaarrrr!) ...tetep bisa menghangusin semua yang ada di Bumi...Hmmm... (klo mikir itu...berarti Holland-Indonesia sebenernya deket banget yah!)

Hmm...jadi mikir,kalo the end of the earth will...sooner or later...
All of these things... are just worthless...

Belom, tadi pagi nonton Oprah... about people that making changes for Comunity... better changes... jadi mikir... What have I done for good?
kebanyakan selama ini cuma ngeluuuhhh ajah!

Agh...
I wish I could find my way...to be a better person...
making things that bring benefit for as many people as I could....
Amiin...!!

Dear God, lead me...!

Borozzz....

Rencana pengin nomat, sampe dah ngajakin Vn segala, sekalian ketemuan...sugan weh...:)
Pagi2 balik kerja... fitnes (nge-chest... pecs gw dah lumayan, cuman, wings aduuuhhh, ga kuwat!!! ditutup ama abs...SEMANGAT!!!)
Balik fitnes, Nyabu... sebenernya biasa aja, tapi, yah...daripada kelaperan!

Sambil dengerin Michael Buble, bolak-balik lagu Lost...(jadi apal! kekekek) smsan ama si gembul... minta referensi film yang bagus... AVP2, Skinwalkers, apa Butterfly on the Wheel. Dibales aga lama... jawabannya, semua jelek!
Yah...sms konfirmasi deh ke Vn, ga jadi nomat... secara, langit pun mendung, siap2 ngeguyur...

Mo serpisin DVD (nyesel gue beli ni DVD... baru 5 bulan udah rusak 2 kali ini, kemaren ga muter... sekarang audionya ga nyala... ga seru klo nonton ga ada suaranya... apalagi klo nonton bokep... serasa ilang sensasinya...kekekek)...
Tapi, mendung... lagian males euy! Besok aja deh...
Mampir warnet... bikin review...
Baca2 blog orang...

Chatting... agh...dia2 lagi... boseeeennnnnn!!!

Enaknya ngapain yah, ni baru jam 5, padahal kerja masih jam 9....
Bingung!!!!

Waduh dah 4 jam di warnet... gila, minggu ini gue boros bnget pengeluaran cuma buat ngenet, padahal ga dapet apa2 juga!
Sialan!!!

Abstinence mission...FAILED!!!!

Minggu-minggu, ga ada kerjaan, nunggu berangkat gawe masih jam 9 malem ntar, acara tivi, walah... jengah di rumah sendirian...

Pagi rencananya mau jogging, ngilangin beberapa kilo kalori... waduuuuhhh... makan gue ga bisa ngerem!!! Tapi cape banget, masih ngantuk juga, abis "ngelembur" tadi malem... heheh, klo gini jadi ngerasa muna banget...
Satu sisi, gw masih kangen banget...kadang suka ngebayangin "skenario" yang bakal terjadi klo gw ketemu dia lagi, maybe someday,... jeleknya gue, suka ngebayangin bad thing happened... jadi sakit sendiri, silly banget kalo dipikir2...
Itulah, masih berjuang, belajar dari "The Secret", so I will attract good things come to me...

Tapi, secara semalem emang hari libur gue,... sedang males jalan ke sby... pelarian ya ke warnet deh, sambil berharap, mungkin sekarang gw dapet someone... heheh...
Tapi, yah... seperti biasa... selalu kecewa...
Brosing2 internet... baca2 blog orang... dan nemu yang isinya tenatng pengalaman dia dengan his "experience" ...waduh...diliat2 kok malah jadi mirip CCS yah?... hahah jadi inget jaman awal2 tau internet... ke warnet cuma mo buka 17tahun.com kekekek,...

Gara2 baca yang agak hot, dan secara udah lama juga ga menjamah seorang manusia...
jadi error berat...kepala agak nggliyeng... semetara celana terasa makin sempit...hahahha, gubrag!!!!
Suddenly, AWp sms, lagi bete ("bete" = bosen total/ butuh t*t*t ????)...mulai deh, setan2 membisikkan "sesuatu" ke ubun2 gue...
Padahal udah malem banget...lewat midnite!... tapi kejadian juga....

Tapi, ya itu, beda!, klo doing "thing" just for fun... untung Awp anaknya juga asik2 aja... abisan "excersise" ngobrol2... sampe kengantukan sendiri... molorrr....

Hhhhh, jebol juga akhirnya abstinensia gue...

Hend, I'm missing U so... Will we ever meet up again, someday? I miss that coffee time, and will be waiting fo next...! (Starbuck's ....hmmmm....jadi ingin ngupi2...tapi jauh euy!)

My gift has been packed... tinggal dikirim... maybe tomorrow...
I wish he wud remember me...
I wish... he knew,... that he is special for me...
Hhhhh....klo udah gini teh, I wish We were strangers again deh!...

Klo kita ga pernah kenal... pasti rasanya ga sesakit ini...
Aku kangen... tapi ga bisa ngapa2...

I try...

I'm still trying to forget him, at least not to think about him too much...
yesterday... I even dreamed about him...
Yeah... I miss him that bad!

But there's nothin I can do...the only thing I can do is just look at his picture in a site...
But that's all...

Beside...
Listening to Michael Buble - Lost so many times... (just bought the album, and love the song so much!)
request ke si gembul ...:)... radionya ga punya...hhhh... Benar-Benar-Payah! kekekekek

dissapointed...again... but it's okay!

I dont know what shoud I feel now...
Sempet chat juga ama si "my distance love"...tapi, ternyata...
He expecting me just for fun...hhhh...just like other...

Yah, but, what should I expect...?
No matter what... I just cant have him...

So, If he want me just for fun... Maybe someday I'll give it to him...
Then, just like other...
he'll leave me...

I dont expect much anymore...

Maybe someday... I'll find the one...

Hmmm... a hug would be nice for recent days...

My love... find me now, or I'll lost forever...
hug me now, or I'll be frozen for eternity...
Lift me now... or I'll be drowned...and disappear...
Please!

Indonesia... Land Of Disaster...!

Masuk musim 'ujan taun ini, baru juga sebulanan, belom masuk puncak2nya... udah banjir di mana2... Astaghfirullah!
Gw kuliah di solo 7 tahun (wew...lama juga yah! BODOHHH!!! kekekek) ga pernah tuh banjir gede...paling banter, banjir sebetis, itu juga di daerah yang emang rendah... lhadalah...Musim ujan ni taun kok Solo banjir gede...sampe ngungsi2 segala??? Di Tawang Mangu (hmmm, Sop Buntut Bu UGI...kangen!!!), longsor pula... korbannya puluhan... Astaghfirullah!
Katanya ornag-orang pinter sih, perubahan iklim karena Global Warming... yang gue tau sih cuma Global TV (kadang nonton Naruto...kekekekk)
hahah, ga sebego itu juga kaleeee...

Cuma yang kasian, kemaren kapan hari gitu...di Magetan, orang2 yang sedang assoy ngeliatin banjir dari atas jembatan... weleh...malah jembatannya ambruk... hanyutlah beberapa 20-an orang...
Is that destiny???
Coba aja kalo mereka sedikit cuek, atau buru2 balik atau gimana kek... (yang penting gak nongkrongin liat banjir...) pasti selamat...
itulah INDONESIA... orang2 pada ingin tau aja tentang segala sesuatu... meskipun sebenernya sama sekali bukan urusan mereka...liat aja TV, Infotainment, welehhhh, beeeeejibun! padahal isinya ya sama semua... tapi ya laku juga... waduhhh, aneh pisan!!!

Tapi, yah...sudahlah! Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rooji'uun..

Buset... di luar malah ujan... padahal rencananya mau jalan2...

Katanya, tugas malaikat Mikail yang turunin ujan... alias, hujan itu berkah...rejeki... sekarang, yah...ga ngerti juga... mungkin Tuhan mulai bosan melihat tingkah kita, yang selalu salah dan bangga dengan dosa-dosa... jadi inget lagunya Ebiet...

What have I done to deserve this???